#SocialHacks for future students

Dr. Zselyke Pap

Counselor at the Career Counseling and Guidance Center (CCOC) of the UVT

With the beginning of the first year of university studies, your social life will undergo serious changes. You may be the "social flyer" in your current group and look forward to meeting new colleagues and teachers, but at the same time, you may be scared of this change. The questions "Will I make new friends?", "Will those around me notice me?", "What happens if I am left alone and isolated?", Are very frequently asked by most young people during the transition period between high school life. and student.

In this short article we mention some of the practical strategies that can help you better integrate and find friends in the new environment that awaits you.

1. Remember that the others are in the same boat

Because it is a new beginning not only for you, but also for others, most colleagues around you will have the desire to make new friends. But sometimes we feel awkward in interactions and avoid talking to others, thinking that those around us will see all our flaws in an interaction and reject us. When you feel anxious to start a discussion, think about it there is a chance that the person you would like to interact with has the same fear and ask yourself the question: Do I judge everyone by every minor or major negative aspect I notice in an interaction?

It is very likely that your clumsier expressions, your interests that you find strange, your hair that you see as awful and unacceptable, or other things that are "defective" to you, will not be perceived as such by those around you. . If we are very harsh judges with ourselves we can lose valuable interactions, because we do not even give the other person the chance to know us. In short, those around you will have the desire to interact, just like you. But they will also have anxiety and insecurity in this first interaction, just like you. Break the ice! Give others a chance to get to know you

2. Be present where the interactions take place, but also look for private moments

It will be essential to participate in the events organized in order to create new relationships. A very good start can be "Welcome to UVT" accommodation week, which will include a variety of moments in which you can interact with other freshmen, and the more you participate in more such activities, the better you will discover which groups suit you, where you find people who have similar interests, values ​​and personalities to you. However, it is very important to create moments when you spend quality time with smaller groups and even with one person. Large group meetings are valuable for getting to know as many people as possible, but smaller meetings and private discussions will be the ones that will make true friendships. In more private contexts it is much more likely to discuss with the other about more substantial topics, which will create the true connection in a friendship.

3. Be interested in what interests others

Social psychology studies have repeatedly shown that we are more pleasant if we show genuine interest in others than if we only talk about ourselves. Even if you have the most fascinating hobbies and experiences you want to talk about (and there is nothing wrong with that), be careful not to dominate the discussions. Listen patiently to those around you, in the interest of knowing them, and not in order to give a striking answer. When we listen to others and meanwhile think about what response to give to what the person is saying, we lose a lot of interaction. Do an experiment. He asks someone how he feels, how his birthday was, what he likes, and he just listens actively and with interest. There is a very high probability that the people you show such involvement to will be closer to you and, in turn, will ask you about your day, about the things you like and listen to you with interest.

4. Take care to have more confidence in yourself

Although it may seem trivial, basic personal care can determine how we feel one day and how we interact with others. The first step to feeling good is to look good. And we're not talking about the fact that you have to be the most attractive person in the group and dress only in a suit and expensive clothes, that's not what it's about. The key is that before you leave home, when you look in the mirror, you feel good in your skin. To wear something you feel confident in, to be arranged the way you feel most comfortable. If in a social interaction your thought is that you see a stain on your shirt or that you have not stopped to fix your hair in the morning, and you are convinced that others judge you for it, you will be less involved in the interaction and you will have the desire to leave the situation as soon as possible. Make sure that you do not feel uncomfortable during the day due to the way you are cared for or dressed (according to your personal standards), and your self-confidence will thank you at the end of the day.

5. The phone connects you to those who are physically distant, but distances you from those around you

When you wait in line somewhere, when you sit with colleagues in the classroom waiting for the teacher, when you are at the restaurant with a new group and wait for the waiter to come with the food, look around for a few minutes. And notice what happens in these waiting moments if you have the phones in your hand, and what happens if you don't take them out as soon as there is no concrete activity. The difference is striking. A number of very interesting studies have repeatedly shown that the telephone is the enemy of relationships, not their facilitator. The more convenient our phone is, the less we smile, the less we notice situations that are relevant to us, and the less likely we are to meet someone new.

The message to take home: resist the temptation to hide on the phone every time you are put in the situation of sitting with someone in a certain place and waiting for something to happen, without having a concrete activity. You will thus meet, in the true sense of the word, several people. Not only physically, but also on another level, which will open the door to new relationships.

To summarize…

What will your new relationships be like in the new environment? Will you have friends or will you feel isolated? Up to you! Your social network will be built by the way you open up to others and you will be available to meet new people. Break the ice, first in your insecurity, and then in the others, taking the first step. Listen and you will be listened to, and, don't forget, the phone is meant to connect you with people you can't be physically close to. Don't let him distance you from those around you and want as much interaction as you want.